What's Wrong With This Picture?

(Besides the toolbar accidentally left in the shot on the bottom...) My dad e-mailed this picture to me at work yesterday. It's pretty much been doing this all week long. Apparently the weather didn't get the memo about it now being Spring?! It's actually snowing as I write this, and the temperature is dropping steadily down to the low-mid 30's. Happy Spring Break, kids! :)

New Picture

Yay! Thanks to Jared and his amazing photo skills, I finally have a current profile picture!! So, for anyone who was thinking I was still a 17 year old cheerleader... sorry. Haha!

I don't have much time to write tonight. In between checking e-mail, baking Nannie's famous bran muffins, and getting ready to start a movie with mom. Life is good, though. Still enjoying my job and the freedom in my schedule it gives me. Along those lines, if you might pray that the Lord would give me direction and discernment regarding what He might have me do with the extra time He's blessed me with. I started helping out with Young Life a few months ago, but I'm sort of feeling a calling in a slightly different direction. It will be a hard decision, whatever it is I'm called to do.

Hope everyone out there in Blogland is safe, happy, and healthy. Oh, and don't forget to update your blogs! (That means you, Adam and Beka!) :)

Blessings,
Brice

Outflow

I thought for sure I had written something in January... guess not! Isn't it funny how sometimes with the dawning of a new year you can be absolutely expectant of change? It doesn't really matter if you have big plans or if there is a big event in the coming year, there's just something about the month of January that's invigorating and motivating. I don't know. Is it just me?

I wouldn't really say anything massive has happened thus far in 2008 in my life, but I still can't seem to put out of my mind the idea that something big is right around the corner. I don't have the slightest clue what it might be, though. I know a few things I'd like it to be... :) In reality, it's cool that God knows and I don't, cause that way I can't get my hopes up for anything in particular. I don't generally like surprises, but when it's the Lord who's surprising me at least I can be sure of one thing: it will be something good, even if not at first appearance.

Moving on... want to know what the Lord has been speaking to my heart? It seems to be the same thing over and over, everywhere I look, and that is this: Just as important as being fed and built up in the Word is having an outflow - a way for Him to use me in this world as a vessel for His love. Fascinating, eh? I mean, I keep asking, "God, are you sure you want to use me? Cause I'm pretty small and insignificant, and oh so covered in the dirt of this earth. Can I really be of any good where You're concerned?" It's really funny, because His answer is something I wouldn't expect. I'd think He would find some way to build me up in confidence or show me how great I can be if I trust Him. But no, that's not what He does. He allows me to mumble and stumble and trip over myself (sometimes literally) and be totally embarrassed and humbled in one way or another. Then, when I'm chiding myself mentally for being an idiot, He fills my heart with unexplainable peace and wraps those huge, strong arms of His around me and reminds me that when I am weak, He is strong. And that's all that matters, period. So He'll use me however He wants, and it's not up to me to be great. Whew, that's a relief! All I have to do is be willing, and to take steps (yes, baby steps usually, even though they feel like ginormous leaps) of faith where He leads me.

I leave you with a verse my friend Heidi and I discussed recently, and that is 1 Samuel 16:7 "The Lord doesn't make decisions the way you do! People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at a person's thoughts and intentions."

Why?

I don't know if you heard about the road rage shooting near Zig Zag, OR last night, but the two men who were shot are my mom's co-worker's friends. Apparently some crazed man tailgated two men and their 9 year old sons while on their way home from a snowboarding trip on Mt. Hood. The man followed extremely close behind the van, even throughout a stretch of a passing lane. Finally, the van pulled over to allow the car to pass, but the car pulled over behind the van. The two men got out of the van, not wanting the tailgater to get close to their sons in the van. The man then pulled out a gun and shot both men, hitting one in the arm and the other three times in the stomach. The men ran back to the van, and the shooter got in his car and took off. His identity and whereabouts are still unknown.

I can't understand this at all. Why, Lord? How much longer can we live here like this? How much worse will it get? I'm afraid even to ask. We're killing each other, thrown into a fit of rage so strong we're willing to attempt to take another's life simply because he's not driving as fast as we'd like him to. It's just insane! Jesus, we need You so badly. I pray not only for the recovery of the men who were shot and for their families and the young boys who had to witness such hatred, but I pray for the shooter, Lord. We may not know who or where he is right now, but You do. And more importantly, You know the state of his soul that he could be driven to such an act. Father, would You bring him to his knees before You and love him the way only You are capable of? I pray that man would cry out for You, broken in spirit that he might be restored unto You and repent of the evil he has allowed into himself.

Jesus, come soon. My heart breaks for this world and what is becoming of it and of us.

In The Moment...

I'm still working on being better about listening to the Lord and obeying without question, but now I have a whole new area of focus to deal with. I always thought I was pretty good at controlling myself in the heat of a moment, but last night something happened that made me think twice about that...

I drove downtown right after work to meet my mom. We did some shopping and walked around, and then were ready to leave. I finally found my car in the parking garage (those things are ridiculous to navigate!) and realized that there was a car parked directly perpendicular to the back of mine, completely blocking me in. We're talking a foot from my rear bumper, sitting there in the middle of the garage where people drive around in circles looking for an open spot. At first I figured someone had just left it there for a minute for some reason, but after waiting in my car with the lights and ignition on for much longer than a minute, I realized this car was not going anywhere any time soon. I called the number on the back of my garage ticket, and after several minutes of trying to decipher what on earth the guy was saying to me (um, let's just say English was not his first language...) I figured out he was telling me I wasn't supposed to be parked on the 5th floor after 4:30pm. I almost lost it at that point.

Let's back up. When I arrived at the garage at exactly 4:26pm, a man wearing a "Smart Park" jacket was standing at the entrance informing all cars that we were to park on level 5 or above, as they were trying to save spaces for an event that night at Macy's. Obediently I drove through virtually empty levels 1-4, and found one of the only empty spaces on level 5 to park. Now this guy is trying to tell me I should have parked on some different level? The nerve! Okay, so the man tells me (I think this is what he tells me, anyway) that he will call security and have the car moved.

About 20 minutes later, my mom (who has been informed of the situation and parallel parked just outside the garage to wait for me) arrives at my car and tells me she found out that the car parked behind me was parked there by a valet service. WHAT?! Why was I specifically told to park on a level that was planned for valet? And why didn't the guy I called earlier just tell me the situation, rather than saying he would call security? We finally tracked down the valet service and the key to the car, and a nice boy moved it out of my way so I could go home. Oh, but it's not over yet...

When I get to the booth at the entrance of the garage and hand him my ticket, I am prepared when he leans out to tell me I owe him money. After all, I have been in his garage for 2 hours and 45 minutes by this point, and I only have validation for 2 hours of that time. I calmly explain my situation, and that I will not be paying for the extra time I was stuck in the garage at the fault of Smart Park and its valet service. He argues with me until the guy behind my car sticks his head out the window and screams at the guy to let me go.

As I pull away from the garage onto 4th Ave, I do not feel a sense of satisfaction. I feel crummy and low. I wasn't mean to anyone involved, and I don't think I did anything to upset anyone. However, I wasn't very kind or gracious or loving either. You know, the things Jesus modeled during His 33 years on earth as others jeered at and spit on and beat up and humiliated him.

Nothing I deserve. Nothing I've earned. I am saved by His mercy and grace alone. When I feel that I am treated unfairly, it is rightfully so, as how often in my life have I mistreated another? How often have I taken out a nail and driven it through my Savior on the cross of Calvary? When I am mistreated by another, it is not my job to obtain justice. It is my job to pay that person back with abundant love. Boy, do I have a long way to go. Thank the Lord, He remains faithful and loving and kind. His mercies are new every morning, and He casts my sins to the depths of the sea. How I long to be filled even more with His Spirit, that my own ways would fall away and I would begin to see more clearly through His eyes and love with His heart.

"It is God who saved us and chose us to live a holy life. He did this not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan long before the world began - to show his love and kindness to us through Christ Jesus." -2 Timothy 1:9

Still, small voice

Lately I have been trying to pay extra close attention to what the Lord is speaking to my heart. I know He is always speaking, but most often I think I already know what I'm doing or what the answer is, or I'm too distracted to hear His voice. So I've been really trying to tune in. Not only that, but I've been trying to obey without hesitation, even when my first instinct is "WHAT?! You want me to do... what???" Now, don't go thinking I'm suddenly Ms. Obedient-and-Spiritually-Superior or whatever. Ha! Not even close. I'm just doing what I can to make more of an effort where I know I was previously lacking.

So, no I haven't really done anything radical. But... I know the Lord has and is and will. When we give just an inch, He runs with it and stretches that inch into a mile, maybe more. I can't wait to see what the Lord is going to do, even though I know I may not truly see the results until I'm looking at them from His perspective.

I've been reading through 1 Thessalonians and also Jon Courson's book "A Future and a Hope." Wow, definitely inspiring/convicting/comforting! The Lord is really using these words to speak to me and open my eyes. I always get so excited when God lets me see something in a new light or shows me something for the first time. It's like falling in love with Him all over again. Our God truly is a good God.

And with that, I'm off to Bible study. May the Lord truly bless you, and open your eyes to a new Truth or promise even today.

Oops

Okay, so I realize that a month ago it was my resolution to write in here more... yeah, that was a month ago and I haven't written anything since. My bad. Mr. Koller (of the Mr. and Mrs. Adam Kollers) kindly reminded me to please update (okay, so actually there were some threats involved). Well, you asked....

My life since my last update = work. I don't mean that to sound negative, because truly I do like my job. To be honest, that is a skewed statement (that my life has = work) based on the fact that this past week or two has been more than hectic. I work on a 7 person team, and there are currently 4 of us actually working. Two are out on vacation, and one just started and isn't up to speed yet (one was just promoted, so the new person is taking his place). I have been going in early and staying late every day, but I think I might actually be making progress. Maybe. Anyway, really and truly I like my job. I just can't wait until things settle down a bit.

This week has been hilarious because the head honcho people are all here from headquarters. So, normally we operate on a sort of "business casual" standard where there is a fine line between what we can get away with and what we can't (dress-code-wise, mainly). This week? Nothing but suits and ties and blazers and pumps (um, for the girls, that is). I have to contain giggles every time one of the powerful people walk by. I'm just so not used to this. I guess I don't see the big deal with people who get paid more than me and tell the rules. Especially since.... I was sitting at my desk trying to continue working and minding my own business when two of the super-duper bosses began a coversation right behind my desk. This was a personal type conversation, mind you. One of them started complaining about something, and the other exclaimed "Jesus Christ!" (again, not in the praise-the-Lord way I would have hoped for) and I couldn't help myself. I think it was involuntary, really. I choked and began a coughing fit that was somehow (strangely) very loud. The weirdest thing is their conversation seemed to end just about that time. Huh.

Anyhow, aside from work I've been reading voraciously as usual and perfecting my Pilates form. If you've never tried Pilates, I highly recommend it. It doesn't seem that hard while you're doing it, but the next day you're sore where you didn't know you could be. It's great.

Well, that's my boring update. I'll try to do something more exciting between now and the next time I write. Sabastian has a vet appointment coming up soon, maybe something neat will happen there. Other than drooling and shedding and crying (him, not me).

Oh, before I close I should share what the Lord has been showing me. Basically, He is reminding me time and again how precious His children are to Him, and that He wants to be our strength in this life that we may be filled with his perfect peace and unite one with another in brotherly love. It's a good reminder, and when you really focus on it through every situation you see how difficult it is to let go, but also how wonderful it is when you do.

Okay, that's all.