In The Moment...

I'm still working on being better about listening to the Lord and obeying without question, but now I have a whole new area of focus to deal with. I always thought I was pretty good at controlling myself in the heat of a moment, but last night something happened that made me think twice about that...

I drove downtown right after work to meet my mom. We did some shopping and walked around, and then were ready to leave. I finally found my car in the parking garage (those things are ridiculous to navigate!) and realized that there was a car parked directly perpendicular to the back of mine, completely blocking me in. We're talking a foot from my rear bumper, sitting there in the middle of the garage where people drive around in circles looking for an open spot. At first I figured someone had just left it there for a minute for some reason, but after waiting in my car with the lights and ignition on for much longer than a minute, I realized this car was not going anywhere any time soon. I called the number on the back of my garage ticket, and after several minutes of trying to decipher what on earth the guy was saying to me (um, let's just say English was not his first language...) I figured out he was telling me I wasn't supposed to be parked on the 5th floor after 4:30pm. I almost lost it at that point.

Let's back up. When I arrived at the garage at exactly 4:26pm, a man wearing a "Smart Park" jacket was standing at the entrance informing all cars that we were to park on level 5 or above, as they were trying to save spaces for an event that night at Macy's. Obediently I drove through virtually empty levels 1-4, and found one of the only empty spaces on level 5 to park. Now this guy is trying to tell me I should have parked on some different level? The nerve! Okay, so the man tells me (I think this is what he tells me, anyway) that he will call security and have the car moved.

About 20 minutes later, my mom (who has been informed of the situation and parallel parked just outside the garage to wait for me) arrives at my car and tells me she found out that the car parked behind me was parked there by a valet service. WHAT?! Why was I specifically told to park on a level that was planned for valet? And why didn't the guy I called earlier just tell me the situation, rather than saying he would call security? We finally tracked down the valet service and the key to the car, and a nice boy moved it out of my way so I could go home. Oh, but it's not over yet...

When I get to the booth at the entrance of the garage and hand him my ticket, I am prepared when he leans out to tell me I owe him money. After all, I have been in his garage for 2 hours and 45 minutes by this point, and I only have validation for 2 hours of that time. I calmly explain my situation, and that I will not be paying for the extra time I was stuck in the garage at the fault of Smart Park and its valet service. He argues with me until the guy behind my car sticks his head out the window and screams at the guy to let me go.

As I pull away from the garage onto 4th Ave, I do not feel a sense of satisfaction. I feel crummy and low. I wasn't mean to anyone involved, and I don't think I did anything to upset anyone. However, I wasn't very kind or gracious or loving either. You know, the things Jesus modeled during His 33 years on earth as others jeered at and spit on and beat up and humiliated him.

Nothing I deserve. Nothing I've earned. I am saved by His mercy and grace alone. When I feel that I am treated unfairly, it is rightfully so, as how often in my life have I mistreated another? How often have I taken out a nail and driven it through my Savior on the cross of Calvary? When I am mistreated by another, it is not my job to obtain justice. It is my job to pay that person back with abundant love. Boy, do I have a long way to go. Thank the Lord, He remains faithful and loving and kind. His mercies are new every morning, and He casts my sins to the depths of the sea. How I long to be filled even more with His Spirit, that my own ways would fall away and I would begin to see more clearly through His eyes and love with His heart.

"It is God who saved us and chose us to live a holy life. He did this not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan long before the world began - to show his love and kindness to us through Christ Jesus." -2 Timothy 1:9

Still, small voice

Lately I have been trying to pay extra close attention to what the Lord is speaking to my heart. I know He is always speaking, but most often I think I already know what I'm doing or what the answer is, or I'm too distracted to hear His voice. So I've been really trying to tune in. Not only that, but I've been trying to obey without hesitation, even when my first instinct is "WHAT?! You want me to do... what???" Now, don't go thinking I'm suddenly Ms. Obedient-and-Spiritually-Superior or whatever. Ha! Not even close. I'm just doing what I can to make more of an effort where I know I was previously lacking.

So, no I haven't really done anything radical. But... I know the Lord has and is and will. When we give just an inch, He runs with it and stretches that inch into a mile, maybe more. I can't wait to see what the Lord is going to do, even though I know I may not truly see the results until I'm looking at them from His perspective.

I've been reading through 1 Thessalonians and also Jon Courson's book "A Future and a Hope." Wow, definitely inspiring/convicting/comforting! The Lord is really using these words to speak to me and open my eyes. I always get so excited when God lets me see something in a new light or shows me something for the first time. It's like falling in love with Him all over again. Our God truly is a good God.

And with that, I'm off to Bible study. May the Lord truly bless you, and open your eyes to a new Truth or promise even today.