In The Moment...

I'm still working on being better about listening to the Lord and obeying without question, but now I have a whole new area of focus to deal with. I always thought I was pretty good at controlling myself in the heat of a moment, but last night something happened that made me think twice about that...

I drove downtown right after work to meet my mom. We did some shopping and walked around, and then were ready to leave. I finally found my car in the parking garage (those things are ridiculous to navigate!) and realized that there was a car parked directly perpendicular to the back of mine, completely blocking me in. We're talking a foot from my rear bumper, sitting there in the middle of the garage where people drive around in circles looking for an open spot. At first I figured someone had just left it there for a minute for some reason, but after waiting in my car with the lights and ignition on for much longer than a minute, I realized this car was not going anywhere any time soon. I called the number on the back of my garage ticket, and after several minutes of trying to decipher what on earth the guy was saying to me (um, let's just say English was not his first language...) I figured out he was telling me I wasn't supposed to be parked on the 5th floor after 4:30pm. I almost lost it at that point.

Let's back up. When I arrived at the garage at exactly 4:26pm, a man wearing a "Smart Park" jacket was standing at the entrance informing all cars that we were to park on level 5 or above, as they were trying to save spaces for an event that night at Macy's. Obediently I drove through virtually empty levels 1-4, and found one of the only empty spaces on level 5 to park. Now this guy is trying to tell me I should have parked on some different level? The nerve! Okay, so the man tells me (I think this is what he tells me, anyway) that he will call security and have the car moved.

About 20 minutes later, my mom (who has been informed of the situation and parallel parked just outside the garage to wait for me) arrives at my car and tells me she found out that the car parked behind me was parked there by a valet service. WHAT?! Why was I specifically told to park on a level that was planned for valet? And why didn't the guy I called earlier just tell me the situation, rather than saying he would call security? We finally tracked down the valet service and the key to the car, and a nice boy moved it out of my way so I could go home. Oh, but it's not over yet...

When I get to the booth at the entrance of the garage and hand him my ticket, I am prepared when he leans out to tell me I owe him money. After all, I have been in his garage for 2 hours and 45 minutes by this point, and I only have validation for 2 hours of that time. I calmly explain my situation, and that I will not be paying for the extra time I was stuck in the garage at the fault of Smart Park and its valet service. He argues with me until the guy behind my car sticks his head out the window and screams at the guy to let me go.

As I pull away from the garage onto 4th Ave, I do not feel a sense of satisfaction. I feel crummy and low. I wasn't mean to anyone involved, and I don't think I did anything to upset anyone. However, I wasn't very kind or gracious or loving either. You know, the things Jesus modeled during His 33 years on earth as others jeered at and spit on and beat up and humiliated him.

Nothing I deserve. Nothing I've earned. I am saved by His mercy and grace alone. When I feel that I am treated unfairly, it is rightfully so, as how often in my life have I mistreated another? How often have I taken out a nail and driven it through my Savior on the cross of Calvary? When I am mistreated by another, it is not my job to obtain justice. It is my job to pay that person back with abundant love. Boy, do I have a long way to go. Thank the Lord, He remains faithful and loving and kind. His mercies are new every morning, and He casts my sins to the depths of the sea. How I long to be filled even more with His Spirit, that my own ways would fall away and I would begin to see more clearly through His eyes and love with His heart.

"It is God who saved us and chose us to live a holy life. He did this not because we deserved it, but because that was his plan long before the world began - to show his love and kindness to us through Christ Jesus." -2 Timothy 1:9

Still, small voice

Lately I have been trying to pay extra close attention to what the Lord is speaking to my heart. I know He is always speaking, but most often I think I already know what I'm doing or what the answer is, or I'm too distracted to hear His voice. So I've been really trying to tune in. Not only that, but I've been trying to obey without hesitation, even when my first instinct is "WHAT?! You want me to do... what???" Now, don't go thinking I'm suddenly Ms. Obedient-and-Spiritually-Superior or whatever. Ha! Not even close. I'm just doing what I can to make more of an effort where I know I was previously lacking.

So, no I haven't really done anything radical. But... I know the Lord has and is and will. When we give just an inch, He runs with it and stretches that inch into a mile, maybe more. I can't wait to see what the Lord is going to do, even though I know I may not truly see the results until I'm looking at them from His perspective.

I've been reading through 1 Thessalonians and also Jon Courson's book "A Future and a Hope." Wow, definitely inspiring/convicting/comforting! The Lord is really using these words to speak to me and open my eyes. I always get so excited when God lets me see something in a new light or shows me something for the first time. It's like falling in love with Him all over again. Our God truly is a good God.

And with that, I'm off to Bible study. May the Lord truly bless you, and open your eyes to a new Truth or promise even today.

Oops

Okay, so I realize that a month ago it was my resolution to write in here more... yeah, that was a month ago and I haven't written anything since. My bad. Mr. Koller (of the Mr. and Mrs. Adam Kollers) kindly reminded me to please update (okay, so actually there were some threats involved). Well, you asked....

My life since my last update = work. I don't mean that to sound negative, because truly I do like my job. To be honest, that is a skewed statement (that my life has = work) based on the fact that this past week or two has been more than hectic. I work on a 7 person team, and there are currently 4 of us actually working. Two are out on vacation, and one just started and isn't up to speed yet (one was just promoted, so the new person is taking his place). I have been going in early and staying late every day, but I think I might actually be making progress. Maybe. Anyway, really and truly I like my job. I just can't wait until things settle down a bit.

This week has been hilarious because the head honcho people are all here from headquarters. So, normally we operate on a sort of "business casual" standard where there is a fine line between what we can get away with and what we can't (dress-code-wise, mainly). This week? Nothing but suits and ties and blazers and pumps (um, for the girls, that is). I have to contain giggles every time one of the powerful people walk by. I'm just so not used to this. I guess I don't see the big deal with people who get paid more than me and tell the rules. Especially since.... I was sitting at my desk trying to continue working and minding my own business when two of the super-duper bosses began a coversation right behind my desk. This was a personal type conversation, mind you. One of them started complaining about something, and the other exclaimed "Jesus Christ!" (again, not in the praise-the-Lord way I would have hoped for) and I couldn't help myself. I think it was involuntary, really. I choked and began a coughing fit that was somehow (strangely) very loud. The weirdest thing is their conversation seemed to end just about that time. Huh.

Anyhow, aside from work I've been reading voraciously as usual and perfecting my Pilates form. If you've never tried Pilates, I highly recommend it. It doesn't seem that hard while you're doing it, but the next day you're sore where you didn't know you could be. It's great.

Well, that's my boring update. I'll try to do something more exciting between now and the next time I write. Sabastian has a vet appointment coming up soon, maybe something neat will happen there. Other than drooling and shedding and crying (him, not me).

Oh, before I close I should share what the Lord has been showing me. Basically, He is reminding me time and again how precious His children are to Him, and that He wants to be our strength in this life that we may be filled with his perfect peace and unite one with another in brotherly love. It's a good reminder, and when you really focus on it through every situation you see how difficult it is to let go, but also how wonderful it is when you do.

Okay, that's all.

My Family

Hello out there in blog-land! Sorry I haven't been very good about updating this month. It's kind of funny how the allure of blogging has sort of worn off since about 3/4 of my job is writing things in a computer journal. But... I really do need to write in here more often, as it's a great way to get things out of my mind and onto the "page."

So, why don't I just jump right into it? My family has really been on my heart lately, more than usual. There's just a lot going on. I don't want to get too specific or personal, but I've been spending a lot of time trying not to worry, but trying to let God be in control. It's hard to let go sometimes, though, knowing that my family doesn't talk to the Lord, let alone give their problems up to Him. But then, who am I to try to fix things?

I will go into detail on just one specific issue, which is my mom's father. He was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease just a few months ago, and it's astonishing how quickly he's deteriorating. In that short time we've moved him up a floor in his retirement home where he was able to receive greater care from the nursing staff. This weekend we're moving him down the street to an Alzheimer's care facility. It's breaking my mom's heart, and completely overwhelming and consuming all of her time and energy. She comes home every night totally exhausted, and then stays up late trying to catch up on things. She's trying to be super-mom/daughter/wife/employee, when she really just needs to surrender to the Lord.

Anyway, sorry for the downer post. Here, let me try to put the positive spin on it... Everyone needs to be broken before they can be lifted up and healed and made whole. Though it's difficult to see my family hurting right now, I will trust that the Lord has a perfect plan in all of this. I know that He is the One who can bring us true peace and joy, and I will wait expectantly for the day when my family cries out to Him and surrenders to His perfect love. Now that, my friends, is what I call a happy ending. Can't wait! :)

Where did July go?

I realize how cliche this is to say, but I can't believe it's already August! Last month was such a whirlwind what with changing jobs and spending two weeks in California. It's funny how seeing all the "back to school" things in stores still gives me that mix of excitement, anticipation, and nerves. I haven't been in school for a while now, so you'd think those feelings would have passed by now. Maybe it's one of those things that never changes no matter how old you get. I am enjoying the summer weather and relaxed atmosphere, but the anticipation of fall and then the holiday season always fills me with wonder and child-like joy. Life is good, isn't it?

My trip to California was... how do I finish this sentence? First of all, thank you to anyone who read any of my previous posts and prayed even once for the things I listed. That 21-year old co-worker definitely tested my last nerve (and let me tell you, I wasn't alone in that!). There were 9 of us there for training, four from my office and the rest from various parts of California. Several of us went to Universal Studios on Saturday, which was just about as fun as the first time I went as a child. But the best part of my trip by far was going to church on Sunday. It wasn't a particularly moving sermon. The place had the AC cranked to at least 60 degrees (and let me tell you, I'm not particularly warm-blooded). There were probably only about 20 people there, if that. But... I was in the house of the Lord in the company of His children and in the presence of His Majesty. I was moved to tears not two minutes into worship that morning. I hadn't realized how "in the world" I had been even that first week there. Sure, I still did my morning devotions and spent time in prayer. But I was sharing a car with at least two other people, who always over-ruled me on music choices (I had no idea what is being allowed on the radio these days, passing for music!). Anyway, rather than tell you about all that was NOT good, I'd prefer to focus on what was. Walking into that tiny chapel off a dusty road in Ontario, I was overcome with a sense of peace. The Lord did a great work on my soul, reminding me how completely blessed I am with the fellowship I have and the leaders that teach me. I am so thankful for that little wake-up call, and I am really going to focus on not taking what I have for granted. This world has so much to throw in our faces as Christians, mocking us and tempting us and offending us until we're red in the face. But God has surrounded me and sheltered me from the storm, and I need to be thankful for that every single day. So really, that's what I learned after two weeks of training for my new job. :)

I hope anyone reading this knows how blessed you are. Count your blessings - write them down and read them later. God is real and He is mighty, and He is working in your life right now, whether you realize it or not. Look for Him, and I guarantee you'll find Him with a giant grin on His face and arms open wide, shining so brightly that the path from you to Him will be clearer than day.

Oh, so that's what a weekend is!

I feel like I'm cheating. I get off work at 3:45, and I only have to work Monday through Friday. I get two days off... in a row! It's unbelieveable. A major blessing. And besides that, I really do like what I'm doing. Granted, I'm still learning right now. My boss is pretty great, and she's really encouraging (when she's not teasing me or cracking herself up with weird New York accents). Today she gave me this pep talk, telling me she's so excited that I've come so far in only two weeks, yada yada... It really does mean a lot when your boss/manager/supervisor remembers to say positive things. I know it can be so easy to take the achievements of others for granted, but they'll probably burn out fast if you don't remember to say "thank you" and "great job."

I leave Sunday afternoon for Southern California for two weeks. I'll be training with several other new hires. It's supposed to be so hot that they officially changed our dress requirements to "business casual" (whoo hoo!). I'm pretty excited, but that is a long time to be gone. I'll definitely miss church, and am super bummed that I'll have to miss Tyler and Lindsey's wedding :( Adam, I hope you'll be there, video camera in hand!

I know I already asked for prayer regarding the 21 year old I started with, but I'd like to ask for your continued prayers in that matter. Her foul mouth and prideful attitude are really starting to get under my skin. Today she started bad-mouthing Mormons (quite loudly) in the breakroom, and one of our co-workers confronted her about it. Turns out, you guessed it, he's Mormon. I felt bad for the whole situation, but secretly hoped it might help to simmer her down a bit. I'll give her a little credit, though. Yesterday she blurted out "Jesus Christ" (only probably not in the worshipful way I might have hoped) and then turned to me and asked, "Does that offend you?" When I affirmed that it does offend me, she said she'd never say it again. I told her it was just fine to speak of His name, just please not in that context. :) Le Sigh.

Not wanting to end on a sour note, I'll tell you what I plan to do with my upcoming weekend in SoCal... We'll definitely be cruising the streets of LA (you know, Rodeo Drive, the Walk of Fame, etc) searching for famous people I most definitely won't recognize (I could seriously run smack dab into Britney Spears and not know who she was). Another big event is the trip to Ikea, since we'll be missing the Oregon store's grand opening. Beyond that I'd really like to visit Universal Studios, but I'll have to convince everyone else of that first.

I probably won't have much access to blogs and that sort of thing while I'm down there, so I'll try my best to keep in touch. May your days be blessed and fruitful!

The Job

First off, I can't believe I no longer work for Starbucks. Seriously. Maybe when I go back there and hand in my keys and aprons it will seem real? I was supposed to do that today, but forgot to grab them in my anxious frenzy heading out the door for my first day at the new job...

I panicked for at least a week over what to wear. I had been to the office twice already, but never quite got a feel for what sort of dress code the other women were adhearing to. Some wore full-on suits, while others wore frumpy getups reminiscent of the librarian of the 1980s. So, logically, I bought two suits, a few pairs of pants, some blouses, and a couple of basic button-up tops. Okay, maybe I overdid it a bit in my excited "I love shopping and I can finally afford to" state of mind. But I swear I'm done. For now. *cough*

Once I had the perfect outfit picked out for my first day, I promptly changed my mind. Then, when I really had the perfect outfit, I worried over whether to pack a lunch or just bring money. I didn't want to be the weird kid with the lunch pail full of yogurt and PB&J. No one would want to sit by me in the lunchroom! I decided it was best to just bring some cash and hope to get to know a fellow co-worker over lunch out. Next, I deliberated over bringing my personal planner. I've got the big pretty bubbly spiral-bound number they sell at Borders every year. It's so cute - and functional! But, not business savvy, I'm afraid. I just prayed they'd have some paper and a pen for me to use if there was anything that required note-taking.

I was finally ready to go, and in the car on the road at 8:10, leaving me plenty of time to get to the office for my 9:00 start time. Hmm, no traffic. I arrived at the closest Starbucks at 8:25. Ick, why did I actually pay for that? I took about three sips, and watered the plants with the rest. Poor plants.

Once I was safely assigned to my team, got my desk and computer station set up, and figured out how to use all my passwords and security badge, the day was wonderful! My boss seems really great, and I felt very welcomed by my team. Yay! I can't wait to learn how to use my computer with its fancy double screen and multi-faceted software programs. Ooh, and tomorrow I get my "ergo eval" so my workstation is adjusted perfectly to little old (and I use that term very loosely) me.

If I could ask for your prayers, however, I am starting this job with another woman who just turned 21 and is a little too excited about our trip to California and the bars. Eek. I will need the Lord to cover my relationship with this woman, personally and professionally, and the two weeks we will spend together in California (likely as roommates) for training later this month.

That's all I can really think to write right now. There's so much more, but honestly I don't want to look at a computer screen any longer at this point. My eyes are bugging out of their sockets. Yeowch. I've gotta learn to get used to this, I guess.

I hope y'all are happy and well and totally blessed! Don't forget to wear sunscreen if you dare to venture outside in tomorrow's estimated 100-degree weather. Blech. I hope you all have AC or at least really large fans.